vanityfair: The Ballad of Alec Baldwin From the shores of Massapequa, yonder by the sea To a bleak, forsaken time slot on MSNBC A jowly hero rose, with acts one, two, and three Yet the third may be his last, and why, you shall soon see An enemy had stalked him, about that have no doubt These monsters looked near human, with telephoto snouts “Fucking cocksuckers, you heathens,” Alec B. was heard to shout But they heeded not his warnings, nor blushed before his pout He met a nubile goddess with flaxen locks of gold In sickness and in health, they promised to grow old And soon a bouncing daughter they brought into their fold But around her flocked the monsters, seeking photos to be sold Read the rest here. Illustration by Sam Sellers.
